I'm eating all of the evidence.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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