How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
