I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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