Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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