I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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