I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
