ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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