dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
