Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
