i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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