Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
