dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
