he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
