When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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