I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
