You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
