he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
