Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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