then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish you could order shots online.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
