Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
