found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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