Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
