There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
