Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
