her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
