I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
