he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
