My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
