Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
