Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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