STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
