I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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