Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Four minutes until I can fart!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
