A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
