the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
