In the future we'll all be gay
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
