Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
