Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
