My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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