So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
