my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
