she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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