it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
