Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
