My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
