My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
