so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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