my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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