maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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