i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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