I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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