i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
